The possiblities

I have already been accused of overthinking things, so here it is again!

My husband doesn't like our business out on the street, so I work hard on being careful what I write about.  Sometimes that means I leave things out or rephrase them to avoid a fight later.  He has always told me that he is my biggest fan.  He told me the other day that the reason he hasn't been on Facebook as much lately is because his favorite blogger stopped writing, so there was no reason to log on!

Here goes some open and honest communication...for what it's worth.

Rick has been in the Army for 3 years (well, it will be on October 6th).  That means his re-enlistment window opens next week.  For those not familiar with the Army, a year from the end of your contract, you can re-enlist.  Rick signed up for 4 years, so it is time to decide the next phase.

Those of you know how much I HATE anticipation!!!  I also don't like change much (although I get tired of the same old thing...I know, I'm strange!). We are looking at our options.  I thought we had come to a conclusion as to where we were going to go!  It was a leap of faith for me because I was not secured a job if we went there.  Last week, Rick came home and said we could go anywhere and then asked, "so, where do you want to go?"  Really??  We already decided this, I already had our new house (in my mind) decorated and H in a new day care and everything.  Now you are telling me we are starting over!!!???

We chatted for a little bit.  He decided he would contact the main people who handle relocation/reassignments/stuff like that.  They told him where we had decided to go was available, but it may not be until after the upcoming deployment.  Yes, you heard me right, deployment!  Due to OPSEC (operation security, the way to stop the terrorists from getting our info), I can't give you many specifics.  So, with that said, we started talking about the deployment and if that was ok (as if we ever have a choice).  but many of you have heard me say this before "if it can happen in the Army, it happens to us!"

I decided deployment wouldn't be so bad (at least not as bad as last time).  He has a different job, which should be less dangerous.  I am not prego!!!!!!  And we have an amazing support team down here (thanks to my great job and our fabulous neighbor Hanna!!)  I know I can make it through this one...plus, I know what to expect.

So, today I had a meeting with some managers for work and one of the guys seemed to take an interest in Rick, who was not with me.  He was asking a bunch of questions about what his career aspirations were.  We talked about him going back to school for nursing and going that route (this would also limit the deployment situations in the future).  I also learned that the number of deployments has NOTHING to do with career enhancement and is a myth older guys tell the younger guys.  That irritated me a lot!

With all this, I came home and asked Rick what his career aspirations are...he said "my career what?"  So we talked more about it and he decided to get more info from the guys he knows about it.

All in all, not terrible, but I hate not knowing.  I have come to terms with deployment.  Here are some fears about it!

honest and raw:
H - Yes, she is so small she won't remember him being gone
H - She will be a wreck without him until she gets used to him being gone
H - Do I want her to get used to him being gone!?
Me - Ugh, another deployment
Me - More time at the post office (not bad)
Me - CASH!!!!! (they get paid more when they are deployed)
Rick - He will cut us off in preparation to leave us
Rick - More time away from us makes it more difficult to be with us
Us - Reintegration is rough!  I don't know if we have even gotten through it from the last time
Us - 2 deployments in less than 2 years...what does that do to a marriage
Other people - I hate getting the sad face from people...yes it SUCKS, but I don't want to be reminded of it all the time.
Other people - while I don't want to be reminded of it, I would like a little understanding as to how difficult it is to be a single parent in continued anticipation of trauma

THE DOOR!!!!  No one can every come over without calling first, I almost throw up every time there is a sound like someone might be at the door.

There you have it...raw and exposed!  I know other military wives go through this too, but it is real for us now.  I know we will probably have to do it, because it is the nature of the beast. 

Just to be clear, I do not want him to leave, but if he is given orders to go, I will support him in any and every way and keep calm and composed, not just for him, but for our whole family.