Monday, August 6, 2012

This week and next

I am sitting here thinking of all the stuff that is going to happen this week and even half the next.  I know that I have a wonderful family (both sides), but I can't help but be anxious.  We are going to Ricks parent's first.  This is always a whirlwind, good one.  There are always a bunch of doggies to welcome us, hugs and kisses, and all that wonderfullness.  I am terrified about all the stuff of having a walking baby.  She knows not to touch things, but I have this fear that she is going to break something precious and I would feel terrible. 

Another terrifying thing is that she will be with the dogs.  This scares me because Rocky out weighs H by about 60 pounds (or more).  I fear that she will do something, unintentional, and he will lash out, unintentional, and we will end up in the ER with a baby with half her face.  UGH!

We are then going up to family camp.  This is super exciting!  However, I don't know how my mom did it.  The first time I went to family camp, I was six months old, Tim was 3, Mark was 11, and Paul was 14.  WOW, I have no idea how she did it!  I am a freak about my 16 month old and all the stuff she will get into (not so much that) mainly what I forgot.  I just don't want her to trip over the tree roots and smash her face into the pine needles and we are in front of the nurse with a scared baby face.

Can you tell I am a freak about H's face! 

So, I have packed almost everything, thought through every scenario, and worked super hard to get everything ready.  I guess only time will tell. 

Oh, one SHINING light!  I get a play date (both baby and big girl) with my very wonderful friend Laura!!

Friday, August 3, 2012

Oh mother's guilt!

It's been a while since my last post, I guess that is what happens when life gets busy.  There hasn't been much change around here.  Work is the same, H is cutting teeth left and right, Rick hasn't worked in 2 weeks and has become a fabulous house husband :) and we are getting ready to go on leave back to Wisconsin.

There is nothing wrong with Rick, it is just how the schedule worked out.

We leave next week to go home for 8 days.  I am pretty excited and very nervous about this trip.  We will be going to family camp.  I have gone to family camp for years and years, the first time I was at camp I was 6 months old.  Now, we are taking our 16 month old and I am a wreck!  I know there are so many things to take and have on hand that you probably will never use.  I know I will forget something major.  It isn't just going to camp, it is driving 9.5 hours to get to Gma and Gpa Konish's house for a couple days, then another 2.5 hours to camp.  It's just a lot.  My mom said H will survive, I did.  I told her I am less worried about H and more worried about me.  I just don't want to be "that mom", however I always seem to be.

Anyway.  On to something else.

A few weeks ago we dedicated our precious baby girl.  My parents came down to witness the event.  It was a nice ceremony and Rick was playing with H while we were praying, in front of 500 people, but oh well, that's the two of them for ya.

It makes you think about how you live your life and how your life is an example for your children.  We were talking last night about how I feel like a failure as a mom because H doesn't want to come be by me.  She actually picks the neighbors over me...I'm learning to deal with that.  Rick said that being a good parent has nothing to do with whether a 16 month old will come to you, but rather if you raise good adults.  I had to think about that and know it is true.  I know H and I will have hard times and will fight (mainly because we are so similar).  I know that I want a relationship with her like I had with my mom.  So, I am taking my mom's advice and picking my battles.  I know that I will not win on everything.  I am pretty sure she will have something that is messed up, but I guess that is part of life.

Oh the wonders of mother's guilt.  I am hard enough on myself, being a mother just adds so much more.  So, I am going to be a good example (as good as I can be) and just try to do right by her.  So far, she has stayed alive for 16 months, knows signs and words, walks, has teeth, eats, is healthy, and plays like a normal child, oh, and that laugh!  how could I forget that most adorable laugh!!!

Anyway, mom's don't get enough credit.  Dad's are so important, but I imagine they are much less 'in their head' about their kids than moms are.  Just a theory.