An IED by any other name

I was watching the news last night with Rick and they were covering the situation in Syria.  The reporter was talking about the rebels making explosive devices to take down the enemy (the government).  They even showed them making the bombs, cooking the explosives, and what the bomb did to a truck when hit.  The reporter called them explosives, but they are IEDs (Roadside bombs).  We are sitting there watching these people be justified in blowing someone up.  This is crazy to me.

I started thinking about Rick in Afghanistan and IEDs and what it really means when he says "they got blown up." 

I just finished the book "Black Hearts" by Jim Frederick.  This book is about one platoon's deployment to Iraq in 2005-2006.  My good friend Sarah's husband is in the platoon and in the first half of the book.  It was astonishing. 

I originally got the book while Rick was deployed.  I gave it to my dad to read to ensure I could read it.  He told me "You cannot read this book!"  He was very insistent that I do not read the book.  Well, as I often do, I did not listen.  I started the book after Rick was home, but I found myself crying and thinking of Rick being in some of those same situations.  While some parts had me laughing out loud, others were so incredible, I could hardly stand it.

War is a terrible thing!  There is no doubt about that.  But what are some other IEDs, in life?

I had lunch with a girlfriend a couple weeks ago and we were talking about reintegration, her husband was deployed with Rick.  She was saying things that sounded just like us.  She was talking about how her husband would be angry and moody.  He would say that it was her and she was the one unhappy.  She was talking about the drinking, more than normal, or at least more than before.  She was talking about not sleeping, or not going to bed together.  I knew exactly what she was talking about.

I remember listening to the ladies who had been through deployment talking about the honeymoon stage and about when it wore off and the rubber meets the road.  These were just words to me...I didn't think of them as anything but a possibility.  When Rick came home, we were awesome, things were great.  I thought, "man, we are awesome, we totally skipped all the stuff they were talking about...we must just be that good!"  Yep, as with most things, I was wrong! 

Reintegration is hard.  It is even harder to explain to someone who has never been through it.  Civilian wives do not understand what it is like, and they can't really imagine it either.  Our neighbor and I talk about the deployment (her husband was deployed like Rick only on a main base, didn't do firefight missions, and she had regular communication with him via skype, etc)  however, I do not want to discount their experience, he was deployed and she was without him.

Anyway, we are very similar, the guys left when we were prego, we had the babies alone (well with our moms), and the guys came back to a baby.  Her sister was asking us about it this weekend.  She said that she just couldn't imagine it, going through what we went through, alone.  I told her, we didn't have a choice.  That was what we had to do. 

I think about those who say I am so strong, I don't personally think so, but ok.  I have to admit, it was terrible, I hated Rick not being here.  I remember being in the hospital, thinking I was in labor when the nurses were telling me I wasn't.  I was crying and my mom was comforting me, I remember saying "I just want Rick!".

So, the IEDs in life.  When the guys come back, little things will trigger you and him.  Last weekend we were are a cookout and a wife made the cardinal sin comment.  She said "I don't understand, you spent a year with this guys, why do you need to spend more time with them?"  Well, don't ever say that to a guy back from deployment!  She lost the fight.

Another thing, I was thinking of putting Halaina's room into the bigger room (currently the spare guest room).  Rick didn't like the idea...I told him it was easier when I was making decisions by myself...don't say that!

Talking about how much they smoke now, when they didn't before, probably not a good idea.  This goes for drinking too, I think, unless it is out of hand, or he is violent.

I know it is going to be just words to someone else, but they are true.  You really have to get to know each other again.  You have to compromise.  You have been two separate people living two lives for a year, you have NO idea what he went through, even if you think he told you a lot, and he has NO idea what you went through.  Don't compare, don't complain, just listen and communicate. 

Marriage is hard all by itself.  Marriage in the military is that much harder.  Be committed to each other, know that there is more than just love, so if you aren't feeling the love, work harder.  PRAY!  I know that prayer has gotten me through both the deployment and the reintegration.  I know we aren't perfect, but I know we will be ok and our life will be as great as we make it.

Strength and love to all my military wives out there.