Friday, December 20, 2013

Offensiveness

So often we hear that we need to watch our words and be careful how we say things because we can offend someone without even realizing it.  I find this to be a little frustrating to have to walk on egg shells around the world. 

Just this week, in a staff meeting, we were told to be cautious about what we say and how we say it because there are many different people from different places and cultures and it can be offensive without the intent being there.  There is a Miranda Lambert song titled "All Kinds of Kinds".  It talks about all the people we may think are nut bags, but how it takes these people to make the world go round, I totally agree with that!

With that said, I have to say that I have made friends with many people from different walks of life.  I grew up in a very small town with pretty much 0% diversity.  I was asked last year how old I was when I saw my first black person.  I found that question to be kind of interesting.  My parents raised us to love people, regardless of what they look like.  One of my very close friends as a little girl was Korean.  It is just interesting to see.

When I went to college, I was exposed to a whole new world.  People from big cities were all looking at me like a crazy person who had been sheltered my whole life.  I made a very good friend who was of a different race than me.  One day, we were sitting at her house and she started wrapping her hair (she is mixed with "black girl hair").  Wrapping hair at night keeps it straight.  She told me what she was doing, in a reassuring tone.  I told her, ok...she said "you are looking at me like I'm crazy."  From there, I loved being able to ask my ignorant questions, without judgment!

Since then, I have moved a bunch of time, and I have found many friends who accept me for me, and all my crazy questions.  Recently, with this move to Germany and my working in my office, I have been exposed to even more culture.  My office mate is from Brooklyn, until she moved to Queens and then her family moved to the south.  Another of my new friends is from Alabama, raised by a single, strong, black momma.  And finally, another friend raised in TX, with great manners and properness :).  These three ladies have allowed me to talk and ask questions that others may find offensive.  Due to our relationship, we can speak openly and they can help me become less ignorant.

Yesterday, while eating lunch, we were talking about the difference between white mommas and black mommas when it comes to disciplining our children in public.  We used the stores on base as our example.  There were 2 white moms there, myself and another girl.  She brought up the point that if we spank our kid in the food court, the police are going to be there in a hot second, however if one of the other three ladies (all black) "whooped" there kid, no one would say anything.  I find that so interesting. 

I remember, one day at the post office in the hospital, H was acting up and a swatted her hind end...I didn't even think twice about it until after I had done it...then I kind of looked around to ensure I wasn't going to get in trouble.  Thankfully no one was there to report sad behavior.

No, please don't get me wrong (or get offended by this) I don't agree with beating your kids.  I do believe people abuse their children without ever laying a hand on them...I do not agree with that.  I do, however, think children should have a healthy fear of their parents.  What I mean by that is, children should respect authority, regardless of who the authority is.  Authority figures should never have to "earn" a child's respect...that is ridiculous to me.

I was talking to a woman one day who equated saying "well I was spanked and turned out fine" to not having to wear seat belts or use car seats when we were young...this I disagree with.  I think the spanking is the immediate result of the bad decision.  It is like Pavlow's dogs...when the bell rang, they thought there was food.  I remember thinking about whether the punishment was worth the misbehavior.  I think this is healthy.

My dad said that he was not or friend growing up, he was the authority.  But once we were grown up, he said that he wanted to raise his kids so that we could be friends when we were grown.  If you raise a jerk, you won't want to be friends with him when he is grown.

Likewise, if you are a child's friend and do not teach them how to respect authority, for the mere fact that the person is in authority, you will have trouble all the days of that kid's childhood.

By now I am certain I have offended many people.  This is what I say to that...stop being offended.  If someone is expressing a view or a feeling, and they are not doing it violently against you...either walk away, stop reading the article, or tell them why you are offended and open a dialog.  Just screaming at each other is not a dialog!  People have different thoughts and feelings and ways of expressing them.  If we were all the same...it would be a terribly boring world.  Another quote from my dad, "if everyone agrees, only one man is thinking."  So, think for yourself, stop trapping people into offending you, and learn as much as possible to avoid ignorance. 

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