Love

Love...it's a pretty simple word, but boy does it mean a whole lot.  There are many forms of love, many faces, many meanings.  I know that I love my husband, but what does that mean?  Is it the same for everyone?  Is there a "right" way to love?

Today at church, we were learning about love and how God is love.  Without God, there is no love.  That was pretty powerful to me.  I know that I have love from God, but to think that God is love, is harder to grasp.

I have a confession to make.  They talk about how mothers love their children even before they are born...well that is true, but it was a little different for me.  It wasn't that I didn't love baby H, it was that I needed to focus on it.  It was a little less fluid for me.  It seems strange, but I think part of it was the fact that Rick wasn't here.  I didn't want to get too attached to her because he wasn't here to share in her wonderfulness.  I know that was a disservice, but I know I felt that way - although I don't think I realized it right away.  I do remember sitting in the hospital thinking, I need to love you.  Very strange.

As we grew together, it was a little easier, but it was still very strange.  I know that I felt closer to him when I was with her, but it was still weird to me.  When he came home for 2 weeks in July, it did get better, but I was still terrified of something happening to her and then where would we be.

Then, it comes back to the marriage.  I have a very good friend who said something (well her husband said it) and it has stuck with me.  He said, that the number 1 relationship is the marriage.  You will love your children unconditionally, but if the marriage is good, the rest will fall into place.  I agree with that.  I can see it in our family. 

We have a game where we have three way kisses, H loves it.  She has started pushing our heads together to kiss each other lately, I know she wants us to be her model of a good marriage.  I know she will never find anyone as good as her Daddy, but I know I also need to teach her how to be a wife that he deserves.  This is much more difficult for me.

I am not the typical mom/wife.  I work 40-50 hours/week, I go to graduate school, try to be involved in as much as I can (doesn't work out great sometimes).  Then come home and become an example for a strong independent woman.  How does that equate to a wife?  I am working on that still.  I have been working to become a more attentive wife. 

Back to love...love, love, love.  I say it very often, love is not enough.  Sometimes I feel it is so easy to say the word without really thinking about what it truly means.  What does love mean to you? 

My dad is very stingy with the word, he would tell you that himself.  We were talking one day about the song that says "overuse I love you", he disagrees strongly with that.  He does make up for it a little with the comment "have I told you lately that I love you?"  That it pretty sweet, but it is somewhat less conducive to the marriage relationship.  My mom knows what to expect from him because they have been married for 45 years, but i know it does get to her sometimes.

The one thing that I have always pledged is that I do not want to be two people sharing an address.  marriage is two way street.  There are always ups and downs, but if you are both committed to serving the other, it really does work better. 

While reading the book The Power of a Praying Wife, the very first chapter talks about how if you want him to change, be willing to change first.  It is easier for you to change yourself than to try an change someone else.  That being said, I have noticed that when I back away and stop nagging, it is more helpful.  I have also noticed that when I serve him, he serves me.  I didn't think that would happen, so I didn't do it for a long time.  It does work.

I got a book for our wedding from a very good family friend and she wrote a little note in it that has really changed my life, the book did as well.  I think of her a lot like myself and she talked about letting her husband be the man and respecting him for his position in the family.  She said it was so hard because she always thought that allowing him to be that person would be admitting weaknesses.  I felt that way.  Now, I know it is a continual process, but we are working as a team, loving each other, respecting each other, and being happy together.